hopeless lol

:) I am def. a hopeless romantic. I feel as if i was born in a era that I should not have been, but maybe a 150 years earlier may have suited me a bit better. LOL! but then again, probably not, I dont think I could handle not being able to speak my mind and if i did, back then who would listen? But in movies, and literature men were depicted as such gentlemen, and just how the fell in love w/ a women in stories just makes me want to find my fairy tail love :(. I have a good boy friend, please dont get me wrong on that but he is not one that is passionate, he is not one who challenges me mentally.... he is flat and boring.... i crave so much more but at this point in my life, I am stuck in the relationship...and I feel society and men these days will reject me for my body is not perfect. Although I have very beautiful soul and a very beautiful face, my body is less then perfect. Yes guys do flirt with me often, and I am called beautiful often... but to myself, I still Carry alot of my past burdens. A very tough childhood, which has scared me for life, i would not change it for the world b/c it has made me the women I am today and I love who I am but there are still a few flaws and feelings i hold from the past that haunt me. I know what i need to do, just lately I feel so dead inside, losing my passion for alot of things..... I need something or someone to spark it, i need something or someone to push me a little... *sigh* who knows?

I find most comfort in nature, I love the forest and lakes, they are so humble. they are so peaceful and they help me relax so much.

In all truth, i just need someone to show me an adventure. Someone who test me, and captivates me.... lol i need my prince charming to come and Wisc me off my feet....lol

Lay me down in the cold cold ground, Where before many more have gone

Its a beautiful song, the one posted at the end of blog...very powerful, moving, and heartbreaking.

I just made this blog b/c I am kinda in that strange mood to type, i get in this zone, its kinda depressing and heavy hearted feeling. The thoughts that surround it, are ones of fear, curiosity, spiritual, calming, etc. very hard to explain. I wonder/fear about our race, humans, were we are going, what else is out there, why we seek to harm one another, and in the world I grew up in....why is money everything? why is matriels everything? Why try to live a life w/ a mask and try to fool everyone your something your not? Such as "you lie so much, you believe yourself".... my thoughts are sooo scattered I am sorry :).

what direction to take this blog? I guess 1st w/ the song, its about the men that have died in war.....maybe not just wars in the US that have given me my freedom, but i feel it reaches to all wars of all era's.... funny how we use war as an excuse for our freedom, when we mostly seek for power, land, oil, riches, goverment, religon aspects.... I also find it funny how we are never consider the bad guys, and the opposing side is always the one of evil... then again, history is porpaganda lol... the winner always writes the story... the story becomes history... in most cases at least... its not that I hate our gov. its all, same w/ religon, that is just the backbone of most governments, whether we want to reconize it or not...I understand the structure that is needed, to lead people and keep us civilized in some aspects, but these days our gov. are not built for its people, its built for the greeds of many.... I am no different to the man next to me, in any part of the world... yet, we are not treated equal.... not in many peoples God's eyes, or governments... we as americans are sooooo lazy and soo blind to the world... humans are blind to the world and its beauty, the mother nature has given us so much, yet we ignore her and her energies

told u its a bunch of rants :p many scattered thoughts, but thoughts that surround me every day :)....I am not perfect, and i may preach these things, but i am just as guilty as everyone else...

please answer me a question, everything starts from something, we are product of our enviorment, thus we can use the excuse of blaming our parents for our attuides and faults later in life... which is not true either, most of our enivorments stray away from the home, silly ppl... anyways, I just cant figure out the whole elitest world, and why so many people want to be these people and even most will act as if they are them...buying things they cant afford, and living a life style they never earned or in truth, again, cant afford...for what? to impress the fellow man?... I came from nothing, and I am still not much but i am alot farther then my family that is for sure, and nothing is stoping me... but i dont crave to have riches, my selfishness lies with in happyness... I just want to have a happy life, and I want to share that with as many people as I can... life is way to short to try for these foolish goals of riches, life is to short to waste it working every moment (yes u are wealthy....grats....are you satisfied with life? are you happy? some yes, you are...others feel an emptyness, a void.. ).... why live a life of hate, why hate a fellow many for not believing in the same god as you? why perscute him? why banish him from lands? why create geonicides ?... war is foolish, i still have not found a reason for it.. maybe its just basic animal instinct, the whole territory thing ;) then again, there is no more territory in the world to be claimed, so since we have that out of our system...what else?? haha...anyways back to the negative with in our society, *SIGH*... so much negative, and i am guilty as the next upon focusing on it... :).. i try my best OH i try my best to stay away from it... gossip >_<, arrogance, ignorance, anger, ....i try.... and some times i stray from my beliefs but something always hits me and awakens me...reminds me who I am and why I am here on this earth...

I am blessed as everyone else in this Universe... not galaxy, solar system, world, or earth... but in this Universe to be part of it... we are blessed to have life, we are sooo blessed to be living... its strange how small life is to us, and how small we are in this Universe, hell we are microscopic in most aspects. and thing of the microscopic organisms that are the foundation of our life?.... that is why I am here, b/c I am blessed to be living, and I need to stop forgetting that... don't live life w/ anger, hatred, judgement (that is a big one)... b/c before you die, you will wonder, what part of this world was worth living? and was my life worth it? eh maybe u are satisfied by living up to society terms :)..just maybe


Lay me down in the cold cold ground
Where before many more have gone
Lay me down in the cold cold ground
Where before many more have gone


When they come I will stand my ground
Stand my ground I’ll not be afraid


Thoughts of home take away my fear
Sweat and blood hide my veil of tears


Once a year say a prayer for me
Close your eyes and remember me


Never more shall I see the sun
For I fell to a Germans gun


Lay me down in the cold cold ground
Where before many more have gone
Lay me down in the cold cold ground
Where before many more have gone

Where before many more have gone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-PVSK05Ans